Grid spews over what`s good from him
Only a few days earlier, some Kerry supporter accosted me in downtown Seattle. He was freakin` out about the election. I explained to him that the state already was decided. Washington already was Kerry`s.
Shoot, Grid isn`t certain that even photos of Kerry and Bin Laden together at this point could swing the Evergreen State back to Bush. The guy was flat wastin` his time. Kind of like his cousin, who still hunkered down somewhere near Gettysburg. Hate to break this to you pal, but the Civil War is over. I suppose that`s a matter of opinion, though.
As for this Kerry supporter near Westlake Center, if he really wanted to fight, he needed to go to a swing state, do some yappin` there (must not have read my column on idiots). That`s where Bush`s people are. Just playin` the game. The nation? That`s up for grabs.
So, with all this political uprising, not to mention a bye for the Seahawks, Grid figured last weekend was the perfect time to go for an outdoor road trip. The Missus and I packed up the Winnebago and headed wherever the road would take us.
We drove for a while, then stopped at a nice quiet spot. Johnston Ridge Observatory. Ever heard of it? Then, we saw this mountain nearby and decided that was the perfect spot. Grid got out to pitch the tent (we like to rough it) right on the side of the mountain. Seemed like a quaint little hill. I heard some rumbling, but thought I was just hungry.
We were settlin` in for a nice quiet weekend when Grid saw cars snakin` out on the roads for miles and miles. Some park ranger started bangin` Grid`s tent door down.
``Hey Buddy, you can`t camp here,`` Yogi Bear`s friend told us. ``That`s Mount St. Helens.``
Grid retorted. ``Mount St. what? Oh, and by the way, I ain`t your buddy.``
Now, the ranger became more forceful. ``You need to get out of here now. This mountain could erupt at any time. You cannot stay here. I will not allow it.``
Grid`s good with the replies. ``Wait a minute. Let me spin this past you, buddy. I can`t stay here? This is what`s wrong with you people, you people who wear badges and brown clothes and work for the government.
``I can`t stay on a mountain because that wouldn`t be good for my health or safety. Your police friends will ticket me if I don`t wear a seat belt because that wouldn`t be good for my health or safety. Yet, smoking is legal. Oh, I forgot, ciggies make the government a pretty penny, don`t they? I suppose if you clowns could make a few million off of us campin` here, you wouldn`t care if the mountain blasted us all the way to Walla Walla.
``Let`s see here, I can climb Mount Everest in the winter. I can deep-sea dive in frigid waters. I can bungee jump at the Grand Canyon. I can jump out of an airplane. I can take a nap in my car in the garage with the engine running. I can eat grandma`s fruitcake every winter. I can surf in shark-infested waters in Maui. I can drive in Seattle, where everyone is talking on their cell phones. All hazardous, yet legal.
``Diesel fuel is legal, so are working conditions in the King County Urinal`s Bellevue office, where there are no open windows and air is so bad that the heating repair company visits weekly five years running. It is legal for me to starve myself (which isn`t hard to do with Mrs. G`s cooking), but not legal for someone to help me do it.
``It`s legal for you guys to withhold medical cures from the American people. After all, as Chris Rock says, the money`s in the medicine. Think about it, we`ll never be able to take one pill and make cancer go away for good. The guy who invents that is going into witness protection. Chemo and radiation are gigantic business. They`ll never allow it.
``So, I just want you to know, that I`m not leaving Mount St. Helens. You`re going to have to drag me out of here, kickin` and screamin`. My DirecTV still works up here and that`s all that matters. I`m tired of you pansies decidin` what`s good for me and what isn`t. I`ll decide for myself how much ash I want to swallow.
``Now, leave me alone. I`ve got same prognosticatin` to do.``
THE PICKS
Last week: 1 right, 2 lost on the river card. Overall, 14-10 (58 percent).
THE PROS
* Rams at Seahawks: Is there a dumber person in football than Mike Martz? Maybe he`ll go for the last-second field goal down by four again. Wow. Hox defense has become downright nasty. Did Grid mention that he loves this team? Say hello to 4-0. Seattle, 24-17.
THE ALMOST PROS
* San Josie State at U-Dub: Really too bad that Mushpuppies will get a win here. Sadistic Grid couldn`t decide which thought he loved more. One, a winless season. Or two, hundreds of arrogant supporters jumping off the Montlake Bridge. UW, 25-16.
* Eugene at Pullman: Speaking of arrogant. Since when did the Ducks become a national power? Uh, try never. 1-3 suitin` the Quack Attack just fine. Cougs, with their limited resources, are just plain miracle workers. Wonder how many times Price is Wrong wishes he just would have stayed put? Wazzu, 20-9.
THE KIDS
* Auburn Riverside at Tahoma: Correct Grid if he`s wrong, but aren`t Ravens the best actors in that pathetic Hitchcock film about flying things? Different story here. Bears have Hanson and that`s all that matters as the QB Mmmbop`s to 5-0 in the SPSL, 33-13.
* Renton at Hazen: Grid loves something about two pathetic football teams goin` at it simply because it`s Friday night and it`s a good reason to hit somebody. Throw in the fact that these She-mount squads don`t like each other. I guarantee Grid is the only person in the free world pickin` this game. Hazen, 30-23.
* Bellevue at Liberty: Patriots will win if Lincecum pitches. Oh, Grid`s bad, this is football. Now we get to see just how big a gap there is between the Three-Ay`s elite and, well, everybody else. Bel Squares go shoppin` in the S-curves, rout Renton Rhombuses, 50-19.
* Bothell at Inglemoor: Ahhh, the Spaghetti Bowl. If you aren`t at the Pop Friday night, then you might as well admit you`re a WNBA fan. Grid loves Campbell and his Soup Brigade and the Naish Ramblers, but the hunch here says Bainter`s Boys get it done in end, 20-17.
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